What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
