do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
