Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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