Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You can't just leave with hair like that
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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