I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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