I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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