There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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