I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
