I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
