You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
