i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
