We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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