I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize