What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
