Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize