just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
