your parents love me but you hate me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize