I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
