I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize