New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
