Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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