Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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