The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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