Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
