I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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