as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
