you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
