life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
