im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
two words: eviction party
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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