She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
