You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
