I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sext me about skeletons
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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