is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This toilet bowl is my home.
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