***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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