Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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