Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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