Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
