I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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