Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
