Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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