hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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