We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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