i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
