I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
