ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
