Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
