so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
