Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize