he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
