wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
