im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
