can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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