I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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