I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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