Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
