I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
