What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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