Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
