I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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