drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
